Taking A Stand

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Further to last Friday’s post, in which I mentioned “toxic masculinity,” a reader mentioned a Twitter thread in which someone accused cargo bike riders of it and sure enough…

 

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Like people critiquing Pete Buttigieg’s seat height, this is yet more evidence (as if you needed it) that Bike Twitter is a gigantic Smugness Ouroboros that exists only to devour itself:

And of course as it constricts it squeezes out all the regular people in the middle who invariably decide, “Fuck it, I’m leasing a Hyundai.”

There’s nothing toxically masculine about a great deal on the all-new Elantra:

Sorry, that’s a Corolla, whatever, same difference.

Speaking of toxic masculinity, as you can see, my family exuded it over the holiday weekend:

Nothing says “compensating” like bungee-cording a pair of beach chairs to a Rivendell and heading to the park:

Anyway, if practicality and convenience now count as toxic masculinity then kickstands must be the phallic symbols with which you pledge your allegiance to the patriarchy. In addition to my Rivendells, recently I also fitted a kickstand to the “Eye Of The Tiger Bike,” but when Paul Johnson of Classic Cycle saw that my new velocipedal leaning stick was not period-correct he swiftly remedied the situation by sending me this…

…which I finally installed yesterday:

If you’re a Kickstand Fred, you know drive-side bike photography is OUT, kickstand-side bike photography is IN:

Not only does the dual-stay clamping mechanism provide lots of space for Specialized to put its logo:

But it also prevents the whole assembly from twisting under load, which did happen once with the other single-stay kickstand, though only because I had tightened it tentatively in fear that I might inadvertently crimp the frame tube. Note the clamp still leaves plenty of room to place the skewer in the aesthetically appealing northwest position:

Deployment is swift with a flick of the foot:

And imparts upon the bike a jaunty Mr. Peanut-like appearance:

Or else a cumbersome one that evokes a sprained ankle, depending on your sensibility:

Either way, demobilization is equally effortless–unless you’ve got a sprained ankle, that is, in which case it could be excruciating:

Once you embrace the simple kickstand, going without one and leaning your bike against stuff every time you get off of it seems unnecessarily difficult, like walking on a handrail instead of the pathway:

Though of course I have nothing but respect anyone who can pull it off:

Now that’s some fancy walking.


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